woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
