remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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