R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
