Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
