I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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