what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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