The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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