went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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