Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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