if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
