dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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