He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm too high and old for this...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He did a backflip because drugs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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