I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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