Is it because I queefed?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
