we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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