my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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