I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize