Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
