Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
