I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
