glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize