just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
