so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
