Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize