I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
