You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
