Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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