I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
