Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
