i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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