he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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