1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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