So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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