We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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