the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
