allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
