I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
