maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it hurts more in the daytime
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize