"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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