Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
