I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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