I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
