the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
