don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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