If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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