you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
