Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
