Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
