he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
