mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
