I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
