It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
