Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
