and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
