Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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