dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
