I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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