Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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