I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
