I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
