tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
