She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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