You smell like a Billy Joel song
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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